A client conversation stopped me recently. We were talking about the frenzying pace of Q4, the election, COVID-19, remote work, kids at school, and the approaching holiday season. What struck me wasn't the chaos. It was what was quietly happening underneath it — the creeping, mostly unspoken weight of isolation.
In the middle of all that noise, many of us are profoundly alone. And that contrast — between the relentless pace of life and the silence of genuine connection — is doing real damage to the people around us.
The Paradox of Our Moment
James Stockdale's words came to mind as I sat with that client's reality. Collins captured his thinking in Good to Great:
"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality."
— James Stockdale
The Stockdale Paradox is as relevant to leadership culture as it is to survival. Prevailing requires seeing clearly. And right now, one of the most important things leaders need to see clearly is what social isolation is doing to their teams.
What We Mean by Loneliness and Isolation
These two terms get used interchangeably, but they describe different things. Loneliness is the subjective feeling of being alone, regardless of how many people are physically nearby. Social isolation describes an objective state: the actual reduction of social contact and meaningful interaction (Hwang, Rabheru, Peisah, Reichman, & Ikeda, 2020).
A person can be surrounded by colleagues on a video call all day and still feel profoundly lonely. That distinction matters for leaders, because solving for physical presence does not solve for perceived connection.
The Health Consequences Are Serious
This is not a soft issue. The research is unambiguous.
According to the CDC, social isolation and poor social relationships increase the risk of heart disease, stroke, and premature death from all causes — a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. Loneliness is also associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide (National Academies of Sciences & Medicine, 2020).
Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University has described our growing disconnection as a health epidemic — and that was before 2020 (Holt-Lunstad, Smith, Baker, Harris, & Stephenson, 2015). Her research points to the importance of perceived support: it's not only whether people are connected, it's whether they feel connected. That perception has protective effects on both emotional well-being and physical health.
What This Means for Leaders and Coaches
Here's what makes this hard for those of us in leadership and coaching roles: the people around us will minimize it. They won't say, "I'm struggling with isolation." They'll show up to the meeting, answer the emails, and quietly carry something heavier than you realize.
Empathy requires looking past the performance of fine. It requires creating enough psychological safety that people don't have to pretend.
As Dr. John Day writes in The Longevity Plan: "I often tell my patients that the best way to cure loneliness is to cure someone else's. After all, when two isolated people are together, they're no longer isolated."
That is one of the most practical things I've read on this subject. You don't need a program. You need a decision to reach out.
Seven Ways to Close the Distance
Connection doesn't require a big gesture. It requires intentionality. Here are seven things any leader or coach can do right now:
- Send someone a handwritten note — the analog gesture carries more weight than a text
- Leave a voicemail of genuine support, not a task or a follow-up
- Make a call with no agenda — just to check in
- Make the call you've been putting off
- Forgive someone who's been carrying tension in the relationship
- Thank someone specifically for going above and beyond
- Connect someone to a community — a book club, a professional group, a faith community
Each of these takes ten minutes or less. Their effect, for someone who feels unseen, can last far longer.
Start With Three People
I want to close with a challenge, and I'm giving it to myself as much as to anyone reading this.
Think of three people in your professional or personal life who might be struggling with isolation right now. Not the ones who will ask for help — the ones who won't. The ones who are performing fine while carrying something real.
What would it mean to reach out to each of them before the year turns? Not to fix anything. Just to let them know someone sees them.
That might be the most significant leadership act available to any of us right now. And it has nothing to do with a meeting or a metric.
If you or someone you know is struggling with loneliness or depression, the ADAA website connects you to a therapist directory and additional resources.
Worth a conversation about building a culture where your people feel seen? Reach out to us at Braintrust — that's exactly the kind of leadership development work we do.
